Because that is exactly what we are, forgotten, but only as parents. We are known as a source of money, period.
Look at the people that push for higher child support. There is no thought about what is going on in the noncustodial home. The focus is the custodial home, with no thought of the noncustodial home providing shelter, food, or anything for the children during parent time, which is 25% of their lives. In fact those contributions are not even thought about in the economic determinations of how much a noncustodial parent is providing for his/her children. They assume that the children spend 100% of the time in the custodial home. If you think about it the noncustodial parent is providing the majority of the costs for the child in the custodial home,
and all of the costs of raising the child in the noncustodial home. He is paying more for his children's support than any other parent out there. But this way of thinking about his contribution assumes that anyone recognizes that he is a parent. He is not a parent, he is not giving enough for his children, we need to raise child support.
The Policy Studies Inc. (PSI) reports on determining child support amounts for the majority of states estimate the costs of child-rearing, then assign all of those costs to the custodial home. Not only that, they ignore the need for a second home altogether. All of their economics are based on the costs for one home, an intact married family. They say that the standard of living that existed during the marriage must continue after the divorce. This completely ignores the added cost of the extra home, and puts an unrealistic financial burden on the noncustodial parent. But we are not dealing with a parent here, there is no need for a second home, only the custodial home and an income source. There is not another parent in this equation, only the custodial parent.
The IRS gets into the act as well. The only tax benefits available to noncustodial parents by default are the itimized deductions for medical costs for children, and medical flex spending accounts for children. To take a child as an exemption they have to get a permission slip from the custodial parent. Without that, no deduction. They cannot take the Head of Household filing status, the Earned Income Credit, the Daycare Credit, or the Daycare Flex spending accounts. To the IRS we are not a parent, we are a source of income for the government.
So I thought ForgottenParent was a good description of our situation. I hope that through our efforts someone will realize that we are parents too, who actually need resources for our children.
I feel the only way we will be heard is if we get enough of us together at one time and speak up! If we could get 1000 people to go to the capitol on the same day at the same time, someone might listen. Noncustodial parents, their family and friends, 1000 people. We need to get a huge email list going so we can contact 1000 people and more. When we get 1000 we need to go for 2000, and on, and on. That is probably the only way we will be unforgotten. Email me (
info@forgottenparent.org) and send an email to everyone you know who would be interested and have them email me. Fifty people won't do it. One hundred people won't do it. But one thousand might do it. Two thousand might get someone's attention. That's what we need to do. Email me today and let's see if we can show up at the capitol before they get these bills passed!
